Deep Thoughts for the New Year

I started this blog a few years ago as a place to put some of my thought and ideas and to document some aspects of my life. Well, this has been a major fail.  I hope to fix this this year. Now, on to today's topic.

A lot of people use the new year as a time for reflection and planning goals for the upcoming year.  I guess I'm no exception to this. I usually don't make resolutions, but look at things in my life that I could change - part of my never ending quest to be a "better" person.

Since I've been somewhat of a loner most of my life, I don't have a lot of friends. A close friend once told me that I have more friends than I'm aware of and I need to be more receptive to their friendships. Words I've tried to take to heart. I've met some interesting people in the past year, a few I plan to keep around for a while.  The others, well, they serve their purpose. Fighting the urge to retire into my shell is something that I constantly fight. While I can fake being comfortable in social situations, its not what I like to do.  Mind you, public speaking and performing is not a problem for me. The time that I spent in church during my teen years is responsible for that.

One of my flaws is that I tend to throw myself into my work. For me, work is an extension of some of my interests. Creating something functional from a pile of parts; Finding a unique solution to a problem that I didn't even know that I had; Well, you get the idea.

Over the past few years I've forced myself to get involved with a couple organizations that I didn't know existed prior.  Like minded individuals that I can bounce a few of my ideas off of. Many of them are very well known nationally worldwide, at least in some circles.  Some of them are published authors and/or renowned speakers as well. I've learned a ton from them. Although I have no idea how they can do so much with the same amount of hours in a day.  A lot of it is time management. A lot of it is sheer knowledge and recall ability.

My engineering background, as well as being raised by a basement mad scientist complete with lab coat, has given me a need to learn as much about as many different things as possible. Somewhere along the line I developed the ability to get myself up to speed quickly on new ideas and procedures. There is a lot of depth to go with the breadth mind you. I've learned through the years that others may find my knowledge intimidating, or they don't believe that I know all that I claim to.  Through talking to people, I've learned that that is a side affect of successfully working in the IT department of an educational organization.

I remember a quote that I once read that said something along the lines of the truly great minds are not afraid of mistakes as their part of the learning experience. I also know that there are others that have more knowledge, experience and resources than I have.  One of the great things about the internet is that people are more than happy to share their experiences and solutions to the problems they've faced. To this end, I've discovered a ton of blogs that I can use for my research and ideas. Why reinvent the wheel when I can take the opportunity to learn from them.

Those that I work with are completely clueless about a lot of the ideas, processes, and products that I bring forward. But, as evidenced by these blogs, they are indeed in use and practiced by many in the field. I try to not be critical of them, but they can be quite frustrating at times.

A few years ago, a former boss tried to impress upon me that I needed to stop creating my own solutions.  He was also convinced that any software that is put into production should come out of a box and be backed by a "real" company.  He equated open source software to the shareware of the 80's - unpolished, unreliable and unbacked. While this may be true of some products, it is not true for all. The internet was built, and continues to run on, mostly open source software.  Many commercial products are based on open source. In fact, many of the more successful open source products have been spun into real companies, while others have been acquired. I know someone who took a leave from work to start such a company with the ultimate goal of acquisition in mind, although 9/11 brought that to a crashing end for him. (No pun or offense intended.) What I've learned through my new contacts is that these products are in use in many of the companies that we're familiar with.

If you're unfamiliar with it, the concept of open source is very successful. It goes something like this:  I have an idea, or I have a need or problem that is not solved by off the shelf products. Or, those products don't work the way I need them to and I can't change that.  So, I'll come up with my own solution and share it with the world.  The only stipulation is that if you come up with new ways to expand it, or solve problems that are in my code, then you must give those changes back to the "community." While some may scoff at the concept of giving away their work, again, it's highly successful.

As my work responsibilities have grown and changed, I've had to take his thoughts to heart. I have had to begin using products that I can turn over to others (with little technical experience) to operate. But, the same crowd-sourced efforts that are used to further open source products can be applied to many of these products. I've tried to walk the balance between commercial products with "real" support yet give me the ability to craft my own customizations.  This usually gives me the excuse to keep my programming skills sharp as well as learning more about the systems that I support. However, I simply don't have the time to do it all myself.

I struggle to comprehend how those that I work with do not want to learn about the internals. They're stuck (barely) in maintenance mode. No thought is given to how or why something happens. Or, why does the solution work. Sometimes I take it personally. They're a continual source of aggravation for me. Both their limited skill sets and their unwillingness to grow and expand their own knowledge are baffling. Yet, they seem to be happy this way. How can they be happy not knowing all they could about their chosen profession? While I have technically passed day to day supervision of the underlings to someone else, they don't have the skills to assist them. Or the supervisory skills to keep them on task.  While they do need a task master, I still find myself getting too involved with them on a daily basis. This definitely interferes with my ability to get my own tasks done. Yes, another source of frustration.

Regardless of how I try to mask my frustration when I talk to others, it shows in some manner. Some people may think that I'm a mean, cold, uncaring person. My true friends know that this is not true. Still others tell me that I need to calm down because "it's not that important." What? If you don't think that getting your problem (that you've complained to those above me about) resolved is important enough for me to get upset over - you're part of the problem as well. More stress! I'm not proud of this. If anything I sometimes find it embarrassing. I try to be a gentlemen at all times. Well, most times. I have my moments like anyone. I believe that people have many sides. That's what shapes our personalities. Some people verbalize all of their thoughts. I internalize mine. Others don't seem to have any thoughts at all.

It's something that I struggle with daily. How can I find balance. There is part of most people that wants to be around others. Our species did not succeed by being solitary. I can sometimes tolerate being around others for short periods. Unless it becomes an excuse to badger or harass me. Then I can become quite grizzly and off putting.  Again, it's not something that I'm proud of and I know that it's a coping mechanism. Sometimes these people need to be put in their place and I may be more than willing to be the one to do it. Usually, afterwards they're more cooperative.

In closing, please be patient with me. I'm a work in progress. Learning to deal with these stressors is something that I need to get a handle on.

Here's to a new year! And, to my true friends:  Thanks for being you.